


All That Makes Me True

by DefaltManifesto



Series: Becoming a Pack [8]
Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: Erica-centric, F/M, introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-30
Updated: 2013-05-30
Packaged: 2017-12-13 11:13:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/823643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefaltManifesto/pseuds/DefaltManifesto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With great power comes a truckload of issues that are almost impossible to sort out. The pack can hurt just as easily as it can help, and Erica knows that better than the others may think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All That Makes Me True

**Author's Note:**

> Introspective, character study type fic for Erica! I was originally intending a longer piece but I really like the way this one went. The next in the series is gonna be another Derek/Isaac I think, and then a longer oneshot that kinda encompasses a lot of different points of view. If you want updates, I provided a link to the tumblr. 
> 
> Title came from "Goodbye Young Tutor, You've Now Outgrown Me" by Say Anything.

[The tumblr](http://schizzar.tumblr.com)

 

Erica had known who Isaac was long before Derek had brought them together. He was an outcast, just like her, but she never spoke to him. She was too scared, too nervous. The words stuck in her throat behind a wall of insecurity. Her whole life before the bite had been a never-ending struggle trying to climb up that wall.

When Derek had bit her, it was as if that wall had come crumbling down. She and Isaac finally had enough in common that she didn't feel awkward. It wasn't just a catalyst for her though.

They crashed together like a hurricane. Their newfound confidence fed into one another and it was so delicious, they both couldn't help but be swept away. Power struggles between them, at first, were constant, but when faced with the rest of the world, the rest of the school, their natural reaction was to unite. The power struggles became play fighting. The play fighting became sex. Erica got to know his mind as intimately as his body.

Their bravado, a chaotic and dangerous result of the bite, faded away as they stripped away one another's levels to reveal the broken and aching hearts behind the facade. The rough, biting and painful sex became gentle caresses. Their angry and hostile guards gave way to who they really were. Scared and lonely teenagers, no longer drunk on their power, but finally aware that they meant more to the world than being a human shaped punching bag.

Isaac was her first. She was his. Derek said there was a weak telepathic bond between them all, but what she had with Isaac was so different than what she had with Derek, she knew they were made for each other. Isaac knew her body well. Could read the difference between the tense lines of her shoulders when she was scared and when she was angry. Knew which trembles in her thighs meant she was on the edge and which meant she could take just a little more.

And she knew how to read him. Could feel in the tightening of his muscles as he woke from a nightmare and know whether it was about his father, mother, or someone else entirely. There were still memories, for both of them, that they couldn't quite share. But they knew how to comfort one another.

He was her closest confidant. Her brother, her friend, her lover. And oh did she love him. It was terrifying how much she loved him, how quickly she had weaved his way into every aspect in her life. Even after Boyd joined the pack, her love didn't dampen. Erica was not naïve. Everyone had favorites. Her parents had played favorites. She knew that Isaac loved Derek more than her, just as Boyd knew no one could overshadow Isaac's presence in her life. Isaac was her rock even when he was nowhere near.

That didn't cheapen her bond with bond with Boyd though. What they shared was different, better in its own way. Where sex and comfort with Isaac always had a bite to it, a darker edge that let her burn out her anger and fear and be comforted, Boyd was like a waterfall over her flame, cooling her off and soothing her in a different way.

Isaac knew what it was like to be afraid and unloved and unwanted and physically pushed away. With Isaac, it was like seeking comfort with someone by being scared together. With Boyd, it was a matter of letting someone better off, better put together, take care of her. It was less intense, and sometimes just what she needed.

Boyd was broken in a different way than either of them. Being ignored for so long, being so low on the totem pole he wasn't even worth being the butt of a bad joke had crushed his confidence. Erica worshipped him on the nights when he wanted nothing but to curl up and waste away. It wasn't just her hands and mouth, but her words. She didn't hold back on the praise. There was no reason to. She refused to let him think he meant anything less than everything to her.

Isaac and Boyd were the first friends she had ever had. What hurt was that she didn't even have them until she had changed and did her best to erase her imperfections. It wasn't until she had proven her worth with her body, when they were all close, too entwined with each other to ever separate again, that she was truly able to be herself, flaws and all.

It was a poisonous thought that crept into her brain no matter how much she railed against it. When Lydia, and eventually Jackson joined the pack, the dark thoughts seemed to abate temporarily. The pair accepted her readily and she felt no need to put on a false bravado to win their favor, which was odd considering how a few months ago, they wouldn't have spared her a second glance. She admired Lydia and her determination to understand the pack wholly and completely, and they grew close quickly. Lydia was the first female friend Erica had and the other teen practically swept Erica off her feet.

It was nearly impossible to get lost in negative thoughts with Lydia around. Lydia had an uncanny ability to make someone feel like the scum of the earth or like they were the most important person in existence. With Erica, Lydia made her feel the latter, and it was an addicting feeling after spending so long feeling inadequate. But even with Lydia's ever growing presence in her life, Erica's damaging thoughts would creep back in.

They hung in the back, whispering and doing their best to tell her that it was only after people were convinced of her worth as a bed warmer that they would care to know her, despite Lydia's friendship. She loved Isaac and Boyd, loved the feel and the taste of them, knew they felt the same, and yet still she found it near impossible to fully beat back the negativity.

And then came along Stiles and Scott. Slowly but surely. To her, Scott was safe. Scott wasn't interested in her, not like that. He was fully into getting to know _her_ though, and that was wonderful and terrifying in an entirely new way. On pack nights, she increasingly found herself curling into his side with his arm wrapped around her protectively. It was a blessedly platonic gesture. Neither of them really _tried_ to get to know each other. The words and secrets poured out all on their own. Where she had always felt a bit of anxiety and fear over the possibility of the others judging her when she opened up, Scott never looked at her with an unreadable gaze, only love and acceptance.

Stiles though, he was still new. Sure, she had harbored a crush on him for years, but he still wasn't around enough to truly get to know. On some level, she didn't want to know him anymore than she already did. It was fun to tease him and watch him get flustered, but a part of her worried that if she got to know him, his flaws would begin to show up. She knew they would, he was only human after all. She had no doubt she wouldn't mind the flaws, and would in fact embrace them whole-heartedly.

But if he lost the ability to be put on a pedestal and admired from afar, she would lose the last bit of her life from before the bite, and she wasn't quite ready to give that up.

Because deep down, in a strange and twisted life, she missed that battered and painful life, and that was one secret she would always keep to herself. 


End file.
